The Cleverest Idiot In The Room.

I ran the entire gamut of the smart-idiot scale less than five minutes after getting home tonight. 

The local news was on, and in particular, a story about a new direct bus between Truro and Newquay airport that’ll be starting soon. “A pilot service will be running next week” said the newsreader “That’s all well and good, but what about the passengers‽” I snarked back from the kitchen.

I cracked that joke and was incredibly impressed at my own comic stylings shining through, even at the end of a long day. Did either of my parents give it the praise it deserved? No they did not. It actually made me sad that Newsjack is currently on hiatus, because the BBC would already be sorting my clearance to the writers’ room.

I then went and ruined it all once I’d gone back into the living room, and said “Dueto Festival? What’s that?”


“The Dueto Festival. It’s on that placard.”

“Are you being serious?”

“Yes. “Road closed Dueto Festival this weekend”. Oh. I’m an idiot. Never mind.”

And that is why kerning is so important, kids – even with hand painted things. So that Zoe doesn’t look like an absolute twat more often than she needs to. 


Oot and a Boot.

It’s rare that a day off nowadays actually constitutes a day away from thinking about work. 

I managed it on the most part today,  which was very much needed given how close to imploding my brain has been recently. 

I didn’t sleep in much, as I’ve been plagued the last few nights/early mornings with pretty bad dreams, which hasn’t happened for ages, but means I wake up and generally stay up. I did refuse to get up until I actually needed to though.

And then when I did finally get out of bed, it was straight into a leisurely bath (thank you, Lush avocado bath bomb, you were delightful) until I got bored. Which took me about 25 minutes. I wish I was one of those people that could sit for two hours in a bubble bath and read, or watch a film. Alas, it is one of my many foibles. 

I popped into town, which I haven’t really done for about a month, and immediately gravitated towards my old store to have a catch up with a few former colleagues, and ended up having a speedy lunch with my dear friend Cloë whilst she was on her break, which was actually really lovely. Then it was a case of getting some new shoes for work because my current pair are literally falling apart. The left one has a massive hole in the side, and the sole on the right has come apart from the rest of the shoe. It’s almost impressive how much I can ruin things that I wear. I only feel around 11% guilty about the fact that I was sat in a Clarks shoe shop, using their wi-fi so I could order shoes from their website AND get them sent to my house tomorrow, because they worked out slightly cheaper. I’m the reason that the high street is failing. Sorry everyone. 

Pretty much as soon as I got home, I fell asleep on the sofa, because I can only deal with so much excitement in one day.

I’m very pleased to say that I’ve now got the art of ordering my morning taxi to the train station down to a mere 18 seconds, which is equally impressive as it is depressing, because it means I’ve had a lot of very long days, one of which is tomorrow. Which means I should definitely be asleep now, but that afternoon nap has done me a mischief. Whoops. 


Pecking Order.

It’s been the kind of day that can only be offset by spending money on things that you don’t really need. Thing is, I started the day with said splurge, my card payment promptly causing the self checkout I was using to crash, and shut itself down. 

Luckily(‽), it was in my own store, meaning I was on the phone to IT before I’d even taken my bag and coat off. 

Then my early afternoon was spent stood on the roof of the shop, not trying to end it all, but attempting to get photographs of our water tanks taken whilst getting divebombed by some very angry seagulls who were trying to keep us away from the chicks in their nests that are situated directly in front of our water tanks. I’ve never been more glad to wear glasses, as I genuinely feared for my eyes. And life. But mostly my eyes. 

And I get to do it all over again tomorrow. But I shall be avoiding card readers and birds as much as I can. 



Half asleep Zoe yesterday morning is my new hero. 

I booked tonight’s train home from work and picked a seat in first class because it worked out at the same price as standard class. What a genius. 

After the day I’ve had, I definitely needed a more comfortable seat, free cake and a much quieter carriage. I could do without the noisy Glaswegians 10 seats away, mind.

It’s been a much more successful train journey than the one I had at the end of last week, when I ended up taking an early morning detour to Saltash train station because someone wasn’t paying the greatest of attention to exactly what carriage she’d gotten on. Safe to say I don’t plan on making such a mistake again because Saltash station doesn’t even have wifi. So primitive. Originally I thought it was Great Western Railway. Turns out it was Gone (the) Wrong Railway (station).

Most of my time at work has been spent on my hands and knees, mopping up the horrendous leak from one of my chillers, before someone had a horrible accident. You wouldn’t think one chiller would leak so much water so quickly, but I have had my eyes opened wide. I am very liable to have some stern words with the chiller engineer tomorrow, considering he “fixed” the pump less than a week ago. My slightly soggy shoes and tights are testament to him not doing that.


Each Peach.

I think I am now officially more bumps and bruises than I am my actual normal coloured skin. 

I can say that especially after today, as I have bruised my little peach. (I’m talking about my arse, everyone. Get on the wavelength.) I won’t complain though, since it happened during a 70 minute stint on an exercise bike during work today, all in aid of the charity Look Good, Feel Better. The hour and 10 minutes flew by, I didn’t overheat, or cry (which is almost a miracle) and I wasn’t overly embarrassed either, considering we were stationed directly outside the main entrance to our shop, which is on Exeter High Street. That’s right. EXCEPTIONALLY PUBLIC EXERCISING. I was wearing sunglasses for the duration, and nobody really knows me in Exeter, so it was absolutely fine. Unlike my bottom once I’d gotten off the bike. We ended up raising almost £300 today alone, so I’m properly chuffed and glad to have taken part.

We have worked out that it could be my subconscious telling me that I need to get a little more sun, because bruises don’t look quite so bad if you’re not the colour of paper. 


Worst Of Three.

It comes in threes. 

First the fridge broke. Then I smacked my head on a pipe. Then the shower decided that leaking through the kitchen ceiling and light fitting was a good idea.

That’s the bad luck done for the week. The Fell family are firmly DONE with things going a bit wrong. I’m honestly more upset about the shower than I am about my head, which may be surprising given how much I’ve whined about it to people over the last few days. Sure, I’ve still got a lump on my already sizeable forehead, and yes I did have a little cry as soon as it happened, making me panic that brain fluid was leaking out of my eyes, but the human body is a brilliant thing and it will fix itself. Ceilings and lights can’t do that. You need to actually get people in to sort those sorts of problems out, and pay them over the odds for their services. 

I would just like this week to go to plan, with no problems and actually get back to enjoying everything as I should. I hope that isn’t too much to ask.



Just for a second there, I thought it was Sunday night. This is what happens when you have two days off together – it feels like an actual weekend, and then you get very, very confused. 

What doesn’t help is it being half term, and having Mum in the house all day is really helping to compound my end of the week vibes.

I slept for the majority of yesterday, getting up at a fairly normal time, but realising that our sofa is actually incredibly comfortable and naps on that are much more preferable to naps on a train, where your head is constantly banging against plexiglass. 

That left me with today to do more work on my rotas for, um…work, and gave me time to actually get my head around everything without the constant worry of being called out of the office in order to sort something else out. I’m in a much better place than I was, thankfully. 

And then tonight I treated myself to a shower (which never happens in the evening) with a fair few Lush products, because I have an obscene amount of them and I should probably use them up before I buy any new ones. (We all know that isn’t going to happen, but please just humour me here.) I also had an excellent chat about podcasts, words that are awful and tried to fathom just how much use I’m personally going to get out of the new emojis. The answer is a lot.

I’ve also got a brand new thing to keep me occupied on my commute, so I’m almost excited for tomorrow morning. Almost. I’ll be on the train at 5:53, so I can’t give that too many whoops and cheers.