London By Numbers

Days Spent In London: 7
Comedy Shows Seen: 6
Comedians Seen: 46
Comedians Seen More Than Once: 9
Time Spent Laughing: 39 Hours, 17 Minutes
Number Of Days I Came Back To My Hotel To Find Something Pretty Bloody Dangerous On The Stairs: 6
Number Of Days I Watched Loose Women Before Leaving My Hotel: 4
Number Of Days I Enjoyed Watching Loose Women: 0
Number Of Times I Left For The Day Without Knowing What I Was Doing: 5
Number Of Spare Towels I’d Accumulated From The Cleaner Before Leaving: 4
Number Of Times This Week When I’ve Been Totally Mortified: 3
Number Of Days I Was Pleased That People In Plymouth and Cheltenham Can Be Trusted To Use A Public Toilet Without Having To Pay 30 or 50 Pence For The Privilege: 7
Amount Of Time I Spent Walking Around London, Lost, Despite Using Google Maps On My Phone: 58 Minutes
Number Of Tube Stops Visited By Mistake: 2
Amount Of Time Spent Trying To Make The Fiddly Bit Of Hair On The Right Side Of My Face Lie Flat: 33 Minutes
Number Of People Who Either Recognised Me From The Internet Or I Recognised From The Internet (For The First Time): 9
Number Of Alcoholic Drinks Consumed: 0
Number Of Times I Was Told I Should Be Consuming Alcoholic Drinks: 9
Number Of Envelopes Bought: 10
Number Of Envelopes Needed: 1
Number Of Envelopes Used: 2
Number Of People Who’ve Seen My Pants (due to wearing dresses in the blustery tube): 92
Number If People I’d Have Been Happy Showing My Pants To This Week: 3
Percentage Of People Who Saw My Pants That Are In The Crossover Bit Of The Venn Diagram Of Those I Am Happy About: 0%
Number Of Times I Got Attacked: 0
Number Of Times I Got Mugged: 0
Number Of Times I Got Stabbed: 0

I call that an overall success.


I Just Have One Of Those Faces, I Suppose.

People have told me in the past that I’ve got a very friendly face. Obviously, this is code for “you have a chubby face, you know, like a ruddy cheeked farmer’s wife” but that feeling was backed up by being told when I was younger that I had a face for the radio.

And hey, I’m doing radio production at University. WHO’S WINNING NOW, DICKHEADS? (I think it’s still you.)

Anyway. Since I’ve been in London, I’ve been stopped three times by unsuspecting tourists who’ve asked me for directions to various locations in the city. I’m the type of girl who doesn’t particularly like to let people down and does like to help people whenever she can. So rather than a “No, sorry, I don’t know which bus you need to get to go to Newcross”, which is a 100% true and honest answer, I’d say “Well, I don’t know, but if you head down to the tube station, there’ll be lots of people in high-vis jackets who will know exactly where you need to go, alright?”. Which, it turns out, is hugely unhelpful.


My last full day in London was pretty chilled out. Plans to meet a friend this afternoon went a little awry (James Hamilton of sketch group Casual Violence, I’m looking right at you, here.) but luckily, it wasn’t a huge problem, mainly because we’d agreed to meet in Covent Garden. In the space of two hours, I was treated to some of the best street theatre I’d ever seen. From close up magicians to men on 8ft unicycles and terrifying living statues to Australian escapologists, I had a fantastic afternoon.

Then I finally had a chance to catch up with Aislinn properly, before going out for dinner (at Nando’s, where else) with some other friends. We were supposed to be going to see Humphrey Ker at the Pleasance tonight, but sadly the show had to be pulled due to a family emergency. My thoughts go out to Humphrey and his family.

So that’s pretty much my time in London up. Though hopefully, I’ll be back in the next few weeks, as Pleasance have their first round of interviews for the Fringe. Eeek.


Foiled again by Kelly Clarkson.

I’m still in London, amazingly. The thick smog of the “Big Smoke” is clogging my lungs and causing me to be tired all the time.

To be fair…it’s exactly the same in Edinburgh when I’m dashing around from venue to venue. Some would say I’m not cut out to be a comedy fan (not groupie, not obsessive, FAN.) but I beg to differ.


Exclusive “I’m sitting on the pavement outside a working men’s club” blog.

So tonight is Karaoke Circus. It doesn’t start properly until about 8pm, but we’re here outside already. Just because we can be.


A Damsel In Belgravia.

I’m genuinely quite pleased with myself over that title. Especially because it’s true.

This morning started…badly. I woke up to find that all the electricity in my room had gone, except for the shower, meaning I couldn’t watch the telly, use the hair dryer or CHARGE MY PHONE. Luckily, I’d had it plugged in overnight, but it’s currently on the 27% mark, hence why this blog is horrifically early.


The Worst Place To Be Alone?

Pretty sure I’ve found it, you guys.

It’s a fairly busy London pub. When you’re early for a comedy night. And none of your friends are coming to join you. And you’re not drinking alcohol. And your phone battery is RAPIDLY DEPLETING.


“Is she on Google?”

Day two. London. I am TIRED. But happy. And have had a lovely day. But am shattered.


London; The First Day

I am stressed out of my tiny mind, so much so that I’m probably not going to get a chance to blog properly this evening.

So please accept my apologies for a) an early blog and b) a shit blog.



The Timewaster Blogs

So it’s *looks at watch* 16 hours until I get on a train and leave for London.

I have still done NO packing. I’m awful. It’s not even like I’m going for one night. I’m going for a WEEK. Seven whole days. And I’ve not sorted myself out.


The Problem With Birds

Oh dear.

On dear, oh dear.

It would appear that I’ve had something stolen from me today. My precious, precious time. And the thief? BIRDS. Angry Birds, to be precise.